ASBO Tagged In My Sleep

For Christmas I asked the Big Green Gummi Bear for a new watch. Not an expensive watch. A simple black or purple every day watch. Nothing fancy.

Following an expensive mix up with dates and tickets for a West End show, I was pushing my luck asking for anything. (If anyone wishes to buy two tickets to Riverdance in London on 4 April please drop me a message. Best seats in the house.)

Anyway, Christmas morning duly arrived and I opened my gift from the Big Green Gummi Bear to find an ASBO tag – sorry- a Fitbit Charge inside. True, it tells the time as requested but I eyed this strange black device somewhat suspiciously.

I am not the fittest person on earth. Not a total couch potato but Hell will freeze over before I go to the gym. The Big Green Gummi Bear freely admitted it was a bit of a wild card gift but he hoped it would trigger my OCD and encourage me to become a bit fitter. I had to admire his optimism.

As I was badly in need of a watch, I began to wear my ASBO tag. (Still not convinced he hasn’t tampered with it and it’s my whereabouts being tracked rather than my activity)

While I go about my daily business, it counts away silently on my wrist – steps, stairs, distance and calories required.

We tolerated each other quite nicely for a few days.

The first time it reached the daily step target of 10 000 steps, it scared the crap out of me! Completely unexpectedly it started to vibrate on my wrist. My ASBO tag seemed rather over excited by the fact I had been trailing round Tesco and the local shops then dared to go out for a walk. It soon got over the shock!

After a couple of weeks, the Big Green Gummi Bear asked if I’d tried its sleep activity tracker. I eyed him rather sceptically and said “No.”

I never wear a watch while I’m sleeping!

Curiosity got the better of me. How could this inanimate black band possibly know if I was asleep or awake?

Let me tell you- it does!

The step, stairs, distance thing I understand. But how the Hell does it know when I’m asleep, restless or awake in the middle of the night?

I have had a rather annoying cough for several weeks so I know my sleep pattern just now is horrendous. It’s never great, if I’m honest.

Night One – I managed to keep the damn thing on all night, a major achievement in itself, and according to the app on the pc, once I’d synced my ASBO tag, I’d been restless ten times for a total of 22 min 49 sec, awake for 5 min 52 sec and asleep for 6 hrs 44 min. It even showed me a bar chart detailing the time I fell asleep, when I stirred and when I was awake during the night.

Every night since has been pretty much the same story give or take a few minutes.

This has me baffled!

The Big Green Gummi Bear may have succeeded in triggering my OCD here but perhaps not in the manner he intended.

I WILL sleep all night without being restless and without wakening up!

The goal is 8 hours of completely undisturbed, unbroken sleep. Somehow I don’t ever see it happening and, if it does, my ASBO tag will probably get itself over excited again, start rattling and waken me up!

One response to “ASBO Tagged In My Sleep

  1. Gosh, I’ve never heard of one of those! Don’t think I want one… 😉

    Liked by 1 person

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