Tag Archives: #blogger

Five years ago today…..

23 March 2020…the day the UK entered its first Covid 19 Lockdown.

How on earth is that five years ago already?

It all seems surreal…

I remember sitting having a coffee in the office canteen with a friend three days before the announcement. We pondered if this virus would come to anything and if we were told that we had to work from home, how long would that last. Little did we realise…

Five years down the line and we’ve not sat together in the office canteen with a coffee since.

That first lockdown for me marks the start of the world changing forever. I appreciate that in my family’s case our lockdown suffered a dark cruel twist of fate when The Big Green Gummi Bear received a terminal cancer diagnosis in September 2020. In so many ways we lived in semi-lockdown conditions for three years.

In years to come, when our children’s children are in school, they’ll come home and ask us, “What did you do during the Covid 19 Lockdowns?” It’ll become one of those questions like “where were you when 9/11 happened?” and “where were you when Kennedy was shot?”

Will our grandchildren really believe that overnight all schools and offices and non-essential shops closed, that you were only allowed out for an hour a day, that the supermarket shelves were half empty and that you had to queue to be allowed into the store to follow a one-way system marked out on the floor? (I still recall being yelled at by a member of our local supermarket staff for going the wrong way down an aisle only to witness her cooing over a customer’s baby in a pram a few moments later and not obeying the 2m social distancing rule….) Will our grandchildren believe that folk were stockpiling toilet rolls and that you couldn’t get any in the shops for love nor money? Will they believe that for months on end people would stand on their doorsteps at 8pm on a Thursday to clap in support of the NHS workers? Will they be able to comprehend having to wear a mask in shops/schools/offices and on public transport?  Will they even be able to comprehend not being able to see our loved ones for weeks on end and then when we could mix socially again you had to stay 2m apart and only meet up outdoors? Will they believe that everyone’s general knowledge dramatically improved as everyone was keeping morale up by doing quizzes on Zoom or Teams?

How do you explain the covid testing rituals we all went through to prove that you didn’t have the virus? Or how to describe the initial panic when the test was actually positive? Would “it” kill me?

I could go on, but you get the gist…. after all you lived through it and have your own memories of the challenges lockdown brought but does it really truly feel like it was five years ago?

It all seems surreal.

One Tiny Star (100 word flash fiction)

Sitting on the edge of the patio step, allowing the darkness to envelop her like a favourite blanket, she looked up.

Everything as she knew it had ended. She felt lost and alone. The future…her future…her life…lay before her and it terrified her.

A single star shone brightly above the trees. She sat watching it in silence.

It was the only star in the sky visible to the naked eye.

If that tiny star could shine so brightly in the darkness, then so could she.

Taking a deep breath, she took a last look at the star and went indoors.

A Widow For A Year And Change…..

I don’t often write these blogs on a personal level, preferring to keep the vast majority of my personal life out of the social media spotlight. This week is an exception.

I’ve been a widow for a year…and a few days… and it still feels weird…surreal…unreal.

There’s a certain loss of identity that comes with this new title that isn’t sitting easy with me. Am I single? Am I still married? I know that legally I’m single but what about emotionally? Who am I now?

There have been a lot of hurdles to get over this year as I try to rebuild not just my own life but also a new dynamic to family life too. It’s an ongoing journey and there’s a long way to go still with certain aspects of it.

I have tried to take time out this year for myself. I’m not good at putting myself first. It really doesn’t come naturally to me. I’m also not very good at being patient with myself. I set far too high a level of expectation of myself but at least I’ve recognised that so that’s a small step forward.

On World Mental Health Day I attended a webinar through work about burnout and it proved to be a bit of a lightbulb moment for me. Burnout and I are not strangers to each other. I first burnt out in 2012. (I recognise that now, but it took a while to acknowledge this.) It was that experience that set me on my current creative path so there was something positive came out of it.

Last year left me burnt out for a second time. If I’m being honest, I actually burnt out towards the end of 2021 but had no option but to keep going. I can admit that now. I have tried to be gentle with myself this year…. or have I?

The session I attended on 10th October brought me up short. Had I been pushing myself too hard? When I asked a close friend that question, they replied “Probably have.” That too brought me up short.

One of the casualties of the way I have been feeling both physically and emotionally this year has been my writing. I don’t mean these short weekly blog posts. My current work-in-progress, my 9th book baby, is the innocent victim here. The words just haven’t been flowing. I’ve felt disconnected from it. I parked it a few months ago, started a new project but that felt all wrong too, so I went back to the original piece. I owe it to that story to finish telling it.

Another thing that session from earlier this month made me acknowledge is that fresh signs of burnout are appearing. I’ve spotted them but they need to be addressed and addressed soon before they spiral out of control. And address them I will. I promise.

Several followers of this blog and my creative journey have been asking when my next book will be out. They’ve been asking if there will be more books about Silver Lake and Jake Power. They’ve been asking if there is more to come from Riley.

I guess where I’m going here is yes, but all in good time.

I have Book Baby 9 partially written. It’s about a third to halfway there. I just need to be patient with myself a little longer and not try to force the words out onto the page. When you do that, they don’t necessarily land in the right order. I’ve been working on it for two years…that’s longer than I’ve spent writing any of its siblings.

I owe it to myself and to the tale to take my time and not force the issue. Creatively it needs to flow and for now that flow is a bit of a stop/start affair, a bit like everyday life.

One step at a time. One word at a time… and this widow will rediscover her creative mojo.

The Meaning of Life…. a beginner’s mission

I stumbled across the above quote on Facebook recently and it struck a chord with me.

No, I’m not about to get all philosophical here. Definitely not my style. I’m not even going to theorise about the meaning of life. I mean all good Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy fans know its 42!

What I will share though is my growing collection of mini “mighty oaks”.

A few years ago now, I picked up a handful of acorns one October afternoon while I was out for a walk and decided to plant them. I didn’t really expect any results but much to my amazement, several months later four small trees began to grow. I’ve nurtured them ever since.

Last October, I was walking in the same area and found more acorns…yes. you guessed it. I brought those home and planted them and a couple of weeks ago, they began to grow.

I now have 12 “baby” oak trees in total. And while I may never sit under their shade, I’ll enjoy nurturing them over the coming years.

“Google Brain – how do you bonsai an oak tree?”…..

The Measly Jar of Motivation – the ocean- have you seen it?

Have you ever seen the ocean? I don’t mean on TV or in films or on social media. Have you actually stood on the beach and gazed out over the ocean?

I have. Two of them to be precise but let’s stick with one for the purposes of this blog.

I first saw the ocean fifty years ago this August on a family holiday to the USA. (Lord that makes me sound ancient!) I was four years old but still have some vivid memories of that trip. Among the clearest are those of visiting Ocean City NJ, playing in the icy cold sand under the boardwalk, paddling in the ocean itself and watching my cousin build “drizzle” sandcastles. Some of that sand and ocean seeped into my soul that summer.

We returned six years later for another family reunion. That trip marked the start of another ocean related love affair. We spent a few days staying in Rehoboth Beach DE. (If you’ve read my Silver Lake series, you’ll be familiar with Rehoboth Beach) That small town stole a piece of my heart there and then.

It was another twenty-four years before I returned to the USA for a family trip. This time it was me taking my own young family to experience the ocean’s magic.  We spent a few days in Ocean City MD but on the way back to my aunt’s house, my cousin took the kids and I to Rehoboth Beach. I was a little anxious in case the magic had faded. I needn’t have worries. That ocean magic was still there even if the Weather Gods weren’t being kind that day. We got soaked to the skin in a downpour!

I returned several times over the next eight years and a highlight of each trip was a day at Rehoboth Beach.

Thanks to the wonders of modern technology, I’ve been able to enjoy the ocean and the beach from afar. In fact, watching the sunrise via FB live videos shared by wonderful local photographers and the webcam on one of the oceanfront hotels helped keep me going through the three years of the Big Green Gummi Bear’s illness.

That ocean kept whispering to me.

As I watched those virtual sunrises, I made a promise to myself to return to Rehoboth Beach and sit on that sand and watch it for myself.

I’m honouring that promise at the end of next month.

My world has changed since my last visit to Rehoboth Beach and my last view of the Atlantic Ocean. My kids have grown up and have lives of their own to lead. I’m now a widow (still not too sure about that word) and I’m returning on my own this time.

I hope that magic is still there….

Stats , views, likes, followers……and Greenland

It’s hard to avoid being caught up in the statistics game when you are on a creative journey. I give my stats an occasional glance. I think in pictures so the stats map within the depths of WordPress invariably catches my attention more than the numbers.

I’m flattered that anyone would spare a moment of their day to read my blog posts. Life’s busy so I am thankful to those souls who stop by my blog and read my content. Time is precious and if you’ve spared me some of yours then I am eternally grateful.

The map fascinates me. I saved the snip above of the map from my blog stats recently. It shows all the areas of the world where someone has spared a few moments to look at my blog at some point during its lifespan. If it’s pale pink then there have been a few views. If it’s a deeper shade then the numbers are higher. I’m based in the UK and the 16125 noted on the map is the total number of views from there. The number for the USA isn’t far behind it and that surprises me, if I’m being honest.

All of those pink countries make me go a bit pink too. (Yes, I know some of those views could just be bots scanning content but please don’t burst my bubble here)

A few years ago now I shared the map on here and I set myself a goal at that point. It’s a creative goal that’s still to be achieved for my blog.

I really hope I manage it one day….

oh… and what is it? I’d love to see Greenland go pink!

In all seriousness though, thank you from the bottom of my heart for the ongoing love and support that you show my blog. It really does help to fuel the fires of creativity.

love and hugs to each and every one of you

Coral xx

Meet The Writer 2024 parts 11-15

#meetthewriter Day 11/15- ODE

An interesting thought…..

Writing, oh how you wring out my emotions!

You inspire me to create.

You torture me when words refuse to flow

You fill me with joy and allow me to breathe

Writing, you are pure oxygen to me.

#meetthewriter Day 12/15 – IDENTITY

Oh good question! There is an element of imposter syndrome lurking about with regards to this one. Right from the day I finished the first draft of Stronger Within, inwardly I was incredibly proud of what I had achieved. Openly admitting that took a lot longer…about 5 books longer! Now I am more comfortable to say that I am an indie-author but it still depends on the situation. Being a writer is an intrinsic part of who I am. It’s been such a huge part of my life for over ten years that I can’t imagine it any other way now. If folk think being a writer makes me a bit weird then that’s fine by me. Afterall why be normal?

#meetthewriter Day 13/15- THREE

Describe my writing style in 3 little words….ok here goes.

Emotional Believable Honest

Have a read at my book babies and my blog and judge for yourself 😊

#meetthewriter Day 14/15 – IMAGININGS

The writing dream was always to see my name on the cover of a “real” book and that has already come true. I’ll not lie, I would love to see my books for sale on the shelves of high street bookshops, but I appreciate if that was to happen, it could bring some unwanted “fame” with it and that’s not for me as a person. And let’s face it, Amazon is the biggest “bookshop” around and they’re already on its virtual shelves complete with glittering stars so let’s not get greedy here.

#meetthewriter Day15/15 – COMMITMENT

Day 15 already… the last fifteen days have flown by.

My commitment to my writing life is to keep going and to keep enjoying it. After all that has gone in my world over the past few months, I am still finding my feet, so I am doing my best not to put any undue pressure on myself with regards to deadlines with my writing. This is a year to restore some balance and to begin to heal from the past few years.

The wee driven stubborn bit of me that keeps whispering in my ear would love to see Book Baby 8 released by the end of 2024. The voice of reason is saying “be content to get the first draft done”.

Time will tell on which voice wins 😉

Sunflowers, Shadows, Grief and Living…

Up until now I’ve resisted the temptation to blog about grief.

To be honest, its not a word I like.

Perhaps its me who is weird here (wouldn’t be the first time) but when we lose someone that we love I feel that their life should be celebrated not mourned. When the Big Green Gummi Bear passed away last October, he left very few instructions regarding his funeral wishes. I feel we celebrated his life in a way that he would have appreciated. I felt that the humanist service reflected him and his personality rather than being a staid solemn affair. (Some may beg to differ).

In the weeks/months since I have explored several websites and bereavement/grief forums looking for…well I’m not really sure what I was looking for. I kind of felt I should check out these places in an effort to help me come to terms with all that had happened.

I very quickly discovered that these were not for me. No disrespect to anyone who draws comfort from them, but I found them to be spaces where folk were dwelling on their loss. Places where people were content to stay stuck in the throes of death and loss. Maudling spaces. Sorry, that’s not for me.

I mentioned that the word grief makes me feel uncomfortable.

I prefer to think of myself as healing.

People tell you that you need to move on. Another strange expression…. Yes, you do need to move on, but I feel that I need to move on with my memories (good and bad) and not just park them in that space marked grief/bereavement/loss. Moving on with those memories is all part of the healing journey. Those memories have made me who I am.

I sometimes get the impression that I make friends and colleagues uncomfortable by talking openly and honestly about the Big Green Gummi Bear. What am I meant to do? Stay silent and pretend he never existed?  Not happening.

If I’m to move forwards in a healthy manner, then those memories have to move forward with me too. Yes, there are still plenty of occasions where I can feel my emotions threatening to overwhelm me, but a pause and a deep breath are usually enough to see me through the conversation. Let’s face it no one wants to see you crying and at the end of the day there are only so many tears you can shed. Every storm runs out of rain eventually.

The Helen Keller quote above ties in beautifully with my philosophy here. After several rough years, I am ready to turn my face towards the sun. I’m ready to let those shadows fall behind me rather than have them consume me. I’ll never be without my shadow. None of us are unless you’re like Peter Pan but I don’t need it staring me in the face. It needs to find its proper place and that’s behind me. I’ll check in on it when I need to. I won’t forget about it.

 One step at a time I’m finding my new path through this journey called life.

Meet the Writer 2024- parts 6-10

Day 6/15 – DOORWAY

My creative journey has opened several doorways. The key doorway was the one into the story. Taking that first step to sit down and write what became the Silver Lake series took me a huge amount of self-confidence and self-discipline. I’m terrified of letting people read what I write but the dream was always to see my name on the cover of a book. Writing and then self-publishing took me through a doorway that led me way beyond my comfort zone but I’ve never looked back.

Day 7/15 – PSEUDONYM

A pseudonym isn’t something I ever considered. Taking the decision to initially set up my blog and them to self-publish my first novel in 2015 was something I was hugely proud of achieving so there was no way I was hiding behind a pseudonym. These were my achievements and I was proud to put my name to them. I still am.

A lot of my writing journey has been about establishing my own self-belief and self-worth. It would feel as though I was cheating if I used another name.

Day 8/15 – SOUNDS

Ocean, beach and sunset spring to mind! They’re feelgood words.

Tour , book, wine and Sale are among my favourite 4 letter words.

On a more serious note, I like the Greek word MERAKI which means to do something with soul, creativity and love. Sounds a bit like writing to me 😊

Day 9/15 – LOCATION

My family would argue that you can find my writing all over the living room! LOL No, seriously, you can find my blogs at Coral McCallum | chasing rainbows and dreams in day to day life There’s also a  “shop” tab on there that leads you to the Amazon links for my book babies. My 7 book babies (oh it still feels surreal to say that out loud) can be found worldwide on Amazon if you care to look and are available as both paperbacks or ebooks. Haven’t ventured into the world of hardback books…yet. The rest of my writing can be found in countless notebooks, journals and diaries. Some of those journals may be pulled together into a “something” further down the line. Time will tell….

Day 10/15 – CHAMPION

I have been truly fortunate throughout my creative journey and for the year or so before I self-published my first book baby Stronger Within in 2015 to have a core group of “champions” by my side and behind me, encouraging my every step. These are my “infamous five” and my “cavalry” You know who you are, and I’ll not blow your cover by naming names here.

My readers, blog followers and social media followers are also my champions.

I am wholly appreciative of everyone who supports my journey. Thank you will never be enough.

One word I have a poor relationship with…. Beast

Recently, as part of a writing challenge, I had to pick words that I like the sound of. ( For the curious among you, I picked ocean, beach and sunset then tagged on my favourite 4-letter words book, wine, sale and tour.)

A few days later, I saw the above poem on Facebook, and it brought me up short.

There are words in this world that I really don’t like the sound of and one of them is in the poem. That word is “beast”.

Rewind more than forty years back to my primary school and early high school days and “Beast” was the cruel nickname that the class bullies gave me. I have no idea what prompted them to choose that word. I had thought on reflection that it might have been linked to Iron Maiden’s The Number of the Beast, but the dates don’t quite tie in. It wasn’t released until 1982, two years after the bullying started but three years before it finally ended.

The word reminds me of being physically assaulted in the playground as my classmates would grab me by the hair and pull my ponytail up to see if I had 666 written on the back of my neck. Even all these years later, I still struggle with those memories. They are vivid and hearing or reading that word instantly brings them to life.

Words are powerful things…as are memories.

Fast forward again to the present day and to the poem.

It struck a chord as it reflects how I have been feeling since the Big Green Gummi Bear’s death. The “darkness” of the past three years and the “shadows” of many years prior to that shattered the person I was. I don’t believe you can watch someone die without it changing you. The journey didn’t quite break me…it came pretty close on many occasions.

As a family, I’ll not lie or play it down, we’ve been through Hell but that’s a tale for another time.

The poem reminded me that those cracks may have left me a bit of a mosaic of the person I was and the person I now am but more importantly, it reminded me that I am moving forward as a stronger person…a beast?

The word still doesn’t sit well with me but perhaps I can now see it in a more positive light and that in itself is an example of personal strength.

Use your words wisely.

Credits to the owner of the image sourced via Facebook