Recently I was invited to take part in my first author Q&A session as part of a series of author events run by our local hospice bookshop, The Wee Bookshop in Gourock, Scotland. It was an honour to be invited and Ardgowan Hospice is an organisation close to my heart. They wrapped their arms around my whole family when The Big Green Gummi Bear was ill.
I did all the usual author prep work- ordered copies of my books to sell, had bookmarks made up to give away on the night, dusted off my business card and bought a tub of chocolates.
Then my mind began to go into overdrive with nerves. What would I say? What if they hated me? What if no one asked any questions? What if no one turned up?
Eventually I talked myself down. The event was only scheduled to last for about an hour so I decided to prepare a short talk about how I came to be writing and self-publishing books then leave time for questions and for shopping. Well, it was all about raising funds for a worthwhile cause at the end of the day but how to start my spiel…..
After a lot of thought I decided to start with one of my poems from my poetry collection, Beginnings, called The Flame Inside
The Flame Inside
Deep inside the flame burns quietly.
It flickers and dances as emotions fly by.
Some days its dim as reality takes its toll.
Some days it dances momentarily bright.
Even on the darkest of days, it’s still there safe inside.
I nurture and treasure its warmth,
The heart of my soul at its core.
All that I am wrapped up within it.
Buried deep inside the light is me, the real me,
Tucked away safely,
Protected from reality,
Tended with love and patience,
Until the day comes when the flame can blaze brightly once more
The date of my author events fell only a couple of days after the third anniversary of The Big Green Gummi Bear’s passing which added an extra layer of emotion and poignancy to things.
As I reflected on my poem choice, it resonated with me on many levels.
My creativity took a hit while The Big Green Gummi Bear was ill, especially in the last year or so of his journey, and like the flame in the poem, that creative spark almost guttered and went out many times. I discovered in early 2023, words just wouldn’t flow. It didn’t matter what pen I used; nothing came out and for far too long my work in progress lay untouched. I am pleased to report that that wee flame has gradually grown brighter over the past year.
The flame is also a metaphor for how I felt during The Big Green Gummi Bear’s three-year journey. Supporting someone with a terminal illness is tough. You feel useless. You feel helpless. You feel guilty. You feel exhausted. You feel lost in the dark… but that tiny flame deep inside you is more resilient than you realise.
So, to anyone who is currently supporting someone through a terminal illness, you are doing an amazing job! It might not feel like it but your flame is still there. Keep going… to be brutally honest, you really don’t have any other choice but you will get through this and that flame will help you.
The fundraising event was a great success. Timing these things is never easy. Everyone’s lives are busy. Huge thanks to the lovely people who made it along to The Wee Bookshop and listened to me and asked great questions and most importantly, bought books. Every penny spent went towards Ardgowan Hospice and I was proud to donate £100 to them after the event… I donated the tin of chocolates to the volunteers in the shop too.
Links
The Wee Bookshop – Inverclyde | Facebook
www.facebook.com/ardgowanhospice
Ardgowan Hospice Home – Ardgowan Hospice
