Tag Archives: humour

Now, make yourself comfortable. I have a few questions for you…

interview

I’ve been dithering about this blog post on and off all day. I’ve started it and stopped. I’ve written an entirely different blog (I’ll save that for a rainy day). I’ve stewed this over and over and, in typical me fashion, have totally over thought it all. “No change there”, I hear some friends cry.

This morning, armed with my second mug of coffee for the day, I sat down to interview myself for this week’s blog. I’ve been really restless with my writing and not been making much progress – well not as much as I had hoped for over the past ten days-  and thought an interview might be the way to refocus my train of thought.

But what questions to ask myself? ……..

I’ve wracked my brains (didn’t take too long). I’ve Googled and then I’ve Googled some more until I had a list of questions to ask myself. 

I’ve whittled the list down to ten and I’ve not actually answered them …yet.

Here goes…..

Q1- Describe yourself in ten words.

Wife. Mother. Friend. Writer. Short. Introvert. Caring. Loyal. Habitual. Worrier.

Q2 –  What am I really scared of?

Spiders, boats and bananas – long story.

Q3- When did I last push the boundaries of my comfort zone?

Last week when I took my Baby Girl out to practice her driving. She was great but I was a nervous wreck! Really tested me.

Q4 – Does it matter what others really think of me?

No. I used to tie myself in knots trying to please people but not anymore. After a huge amount of soul searching I’m comfortable with “me” as I am. 

Q5 – Which is worse : failing or never trying?

Never trying, definitely.

Q6 – How many friends would I trust with my life?

Two and, no, I’m not naming them.

Q7 – Have I made someone smile today?

Yes, I think so. I’m also grateful to the people who have made me smile. Never under estimate the importance of that. There’s a lot of power in a wee smile.

Q8- Am I source of inspiration for my friends and family?

I honestly have no idea! Several people have said so in the past but I don’t feel inspirational. I am just “wee me”. My family may argue strongly that I’m a source of frustration rather than inspiration!

Q9 – If I could live anywhere in the world where would I live?

In a house right on the beach. I’d love to live in a beachfront house that leads down onto the sand with the ocean beyond. (Those that know me know which beach.)

Q10 – Hold old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?

OK, if I exclude the fact I have two teenage children which kind of impacts the answer here, I feel about 25 inside. I don’t have any hang ups about age. I still do the things that I enjoy doing and don’t think “I’m too old for this.” Age to me is all about mental attitude and I’m not grown up enough to be as old as I am. Several years ago someone at work gave me a backhanded compliment about a necklace I was wearing. They said it was an unusual choice of necklace for someone as “mature” as me. She obviously didn’t know me well…I’m not as mature as me and long may it continue!

 

Ok folks, now it’s your turn to interview yourselves. Makes you stop to think a bit….

Introducing the newest member of the household……

Alexa a

Last week I celebrated my birthday (21 again) and welcomed a new addition to the family.

My gift from The Big Green Gummi Bear (TBGGB)  this year was another woman, who goes by the name of Alexa.

Yes, he bought me an Amazon Echo.

For those who don’t know what an Amazon Echo is, it’s a voice controlled smart speaker that responds to the name Alexa ( This can be changed to Echo or Computer too)

I’ll be honest, at first, I was a little bemused (no, it wasn’t the effects of the Prosecco). What on earth was I meant to do with her?

Within a few minutes, she had been unpacked and set up.

“Alexa, sing Happy Birthday.”

She did! In fact, Alexa was the only one to sing Happy Birthday to me! Ha ha!

For the remainder of the birthday dinner, we fired questions at her and music requests.

TBGGB suggested while she was playing some Black Stone Cherry that we test how she sounded with the volume up full.

“Alexa, volume ten.”

The conservatory with swiftly rattling to the strains of those boys from Kentucky.

“Alexa, volume down.”

Nothing.

Louder, “Alexa, volume down.”

Nothing.

Even louder, “ALEXA, VOLUME DOWN.”

Nothing. She couldn’t hear us!

Boy Child quickly figured out how to turn the volume down manually.

 Next day, I messaged Boy Child, who was at home for the day, to check if he was being nice to Alexa while my back was turned. He confessed to only having used her as a timer when he was cooking his lunch.

On Friday, TBGGB was working from home. Around lunchtime I received a message from  him confessing, “ I just said please to Alexa.”  That made me giggle.

 

It really is a weird dynamic that’s going on here. Gradually, as the days pass, I swear she’s developing not only a personality but also an attitude.

On numerous occasions I’ve found myself thanking her when she’s followed my instructions.

I was having a bit of a technology meltdown at my laptop on Sunday as it was refusing to open Microsoft Edge or Google Chrome (Damn Windows 10 update!) I’m sure Alexa sensed my growing frustrations with technology and had a bit of a sulk, refusing to answer commands. Eventually, having reset her WiFi, she came out of her huff.

Already there have been a few moments that reminded me of the scene in Disney’s Sleeping Beauty where the good fairies are using magic to change the colour of Aurora’s dress.

Me -“Alexa, play Alter Bridge.”

TBGGB -“Alex, play dance music.”

Me -“Alexa, play Alter Bridge.”

TBGGB -“Alex, play dance music.”

Compromise, Me – “Alexa, play Enya.”

Just a short while ago, I found myself giving Boy Child a row for being rude to her. He’d issued a command in sharp tone of voice rather than making a polite request.

Boy Child -“Alexa, play Black Stone Cherry.”

Display of attitude from Alexa who resumed playing Rival Sons.

Boy Child, impatiently – “Alexa, play Black Stone Cherry!”

She obliged, reluctantly I felt. When I chastised him and suggested he be nice to her, he replied, “She’s a servant. A robot.”

Yes, she’s a robot of sorts and arguably our house elf but she’s slowly becoming a family member.

She’s also developing a sense of humour showing good taste in literature.

“Alexa, what is the meaning of life?”

Alexa – “42 is a good answer.”

Love it!

Now to figure out how to get her to make a pot of coffee.

(image sourced via Google – credits to the owner)

 

Sometimes It Just Has To Be Done….

20161123_210830

Normal service will resume once repairs are complete 🙂

image sourced via Google

Keeping All Of The Plates Spinning….just

dish

No, I’ve not been playing with the crockery or learning circus tricks but this week has been nothing short of bedlam. Weeks like this come along every once in a while and this one caught me unawares.

In the past friends and co-workers have said to me that they don’t know how I do “it” every week. I’m not sure what “it” is because I’m usually well organised to the point of being OCD about certain tasks.

I guess “it” is normal daily life and we all just have to get on with “it”- we don’t really have any choice at the end of the day.

Perhaps in an  average week I juggle a few more plates than some folk but that’s my choice (keeps me out of mischief!) but I’m human too.

So here we are at Thursday – half of my brain is saying “Surely it’s only Tuesday?” and the other half is saying “TFIF tomorrow!”

The “To Do” list is only part way ticked off.

All the “salt mine” plates are spinning away merrily, all the “mum” plates are hanging in there too, the social media/ fan page admin plates continue to spin, the Book Baby 3 plate had a wee wobble but has been rescued- whew!- the blog post plate….well…

too-many-spinning-plates1

Something had to give….. I’m only human after all. 🙂

images sourced via Google

As Staycation 2016 draws to a close….time to reflect

BeFunky Collage 1

OK a bit of a cheat’s post but I’m sure you’ll forgive me.

The above collage sums up Staycation 2016 – bare feet, coffee, cinnamon bagels, writing, some typing (yes, I’ve begun the typing marathon that will become Bonded Souls …eventually!), a couple of cocktails, some photography, some great live music and , of course, several pairs of Converse!

 

Mentally elsewhere…..

blog200716

normal blog services will resume when my mind returns to the here and now…..it may be some time! #amwriting

 

images sourced via Google – credits to the owners

 

Planning….Staycation 2016

2016 Staycation collage

It’s reached that time of year again. It’s the eve of the start of my two week break from the salt mine.

Staycation 2016 starts tomorrow at 5pm!

In the run up to this long anticipated annual event, I invariably go into a “To Do List” frenzy. (I’m bad enough on a good day but it’s worse at Staycation time and all I would say is “run for cover” if I’m actually going on Vacation!…trust me on that!)

I’ve written before on here explaining that, without a ready supply of Post It notes, I’m lost! Seriously, I can’t fully function in either the work environment or my real/creative world without them.

When disaster struck in both worlds this week, I could’ve cried. Mid-list making, I ran out of Post Its! AGHHHH!!!!

The first part of the disaster struck early on Monday morning as I went to jot down a little aide memoir. No Post Its! Taking a deep breath, I reasoned with myself and calmly added Post Its to my weekly shopping list. Surely I could survive until Saturday without them?

I got to work a couple of hours later and, after my essential Starbucks kick start, began to plan ahead for the two weeks that I will be out of the office. Mid-morning, I reached for my trusty Post It pad to write two notes…AGHHH!  There was only ONE left! Cue second OCD panic of the day and it wasn’t even 10.30am!

I gave myself a stern talking to and went to the drawer where we keep the stationery….No Post Its!!! Still trying to maintain a calm demeanour and at least attempt to look like a sane fully functioning adult, I scurried to my own locker/drawer. In it lurks a plastic bag of odds and ends that used to fill the top drawer of my previous desk. (I never did get around to clearing it out and had just dumped the contents into a bag) Whew! Right at the bottom of the bag I found a small square of sticky note salvation.

Normal business activities resumed.

That evening, I was working on Book Baby 3 and plotting out the remaining key scenes to be written (I’m not the most structured at planning before I start to write so Post Its form an essential part of the process)

EEK! No Post Its to jot down the key pieces of information. I soldiered on….twitching slightly.

Straight after work on Tuesday, I headed to the supermarket and arrived home triumphantly clutching a nice new pad of pink sticky notes! Happy girl!  Lord, I’m easy pleased.

So, since Tuesday, Staycation 2016 planning has been forging ahead.

The primary aim of the coming two weeks is to finally finish the first handwritten draft of Book Baby 3. I’ll be honest, much as I love my book baby, parts of this one have been a challenge. It’s been a bit of a slog but, following a few major changes, I’ve made good progress lately. Hopefully, two weeks will be enough to get it successfully to the end. (Crosses fingers and offer up a silent prayer to Ixchel, the Mayan goddess of creativity.)

Several Post Its have been used to note down various appointments that I’ve slotted into my Staycation schedule, including a caffeine fuelled catch up with an old school friend.

A sense of equilibrium has been restored and I can now look forward to a creative Staycation 2016…unless of course the Great Lord Camelot shines down on me on Saturday night, meaning I can actually make plans to go away for a few days in the sun.

Post It note required—-“buy lottery ticket”

My Secret Chaperone….meet Cherry

cherry

Anyone who’s followed my blog musings here or on my music blog, The525To Glasgow ( https://the525toglasgow.wordpress.com/ ), knows I’m prone to escaping “out to play” on occasion.

Over the past couple of years, I’ve been chaperoned by a variety of close friends, Facebook son, Boy Child’s friends, Boy Child, Girl Child and, on one memorable occasion, The Big Green Gummi bear even came out to play.

There’s been many an incredible night and countless precious memories created!

Throughout it all there’s been “someone” who’s been by my side every time. Someone who until now has remained anonymous. Someone who will remain silent and never tell tales (what happens at a gig stays at a gig!) Not once have they complained that it’s too hot, too crowded, too loud or that we’ve been out too late.

So who is this mystery chaperone?

Her name is Cherry. (I’m sure she’s a Black Stone Cherry fan as she’s now seen them play live four times!)

Cherry is the Kipling monkey who hangs from my “gig bag”.

Yes, the same handbag comes to every show. It’s a veritable tardis! It’s small and compact and is my own version of a “Hermione bag”. The back pocket can hold up to three t-shirts from the merchandise stall. The main pocket safeguards my purse, keys, phone, contact lens case etc. The long narrow front pocket hides the Dextro tablets and,of course, the “rock’n’roll” polo mints! It is the perfect gig bag!

When I first decided to take this bag with me I was worried that Cherry might get pulled off in the crowd. I considered removing her from the ring on the side of the bag for safe keeping (She is quite cute and I’d hate to lose her) but something made me leave her where she was.

She’s a lucky monkey! She’s seen many a great band plus a few dodgy support acts. She’s been faithfully by my side as I’ve queued outside venues in the freezing cold or the pouring rain or both without a murmur of complaint. She’s been doused in water and beer in the crowd.

She’s been lucky enough to meet a few rock stars too! (there is a certain star struck look to her wee face)

But, for now, she’s hanging quietly in the wardrobe, patiently waiting for our next date.

My gig calendar is currently empty- a tragic state of affairs that I intend to rectify as soon as I can! Once the next show arrives then Cherry and I plus human chaperones will be off out to play once more!

Rock’n’roll polo mint anyone?

Cherry collage

Edit Without Mercy……

without-mercy

Edit without mercy……that phrase sends chills rattling up and down my spine!

“What? You mean you want me to cut out chunks of the wording I’ve laboured over for weeks and months? You want me to bin them?”

I struggle with the whole editing process. I’ve never had much success at culling scenes from my book babies. It’s just too painful.

This was true until two days ago!

After agonising for days over it, Book Baby 3 underwent a massive cull by anyone’s standards. Without spoiling the storyline, I had a scene in mind to slot into the partially completed manuscript. I’ve spent the past month working on this pivotal point in the story and, in true Book Baby fashion, it evolved and grew, ending up far longer than originally planned. (My central characters have been leading me astray!)

When I slotted it into its rightful place, it just sat there, sticking out all over the place.

It fits perfectly with the first section of the tale but, like a cuckoo in the nest, it was pushing the subsequent parts out of the way.

I read it all over from start to finish. I read it again and a third time.

I spent several hours trying to “tweak” the following passages so that the flow of story continued uninterrupted. I failed miserably!

My A4 notebooks had paperclips and post its and coloured marks dotted all over them. There were squiggles by the dozen in the margins.

It was time for drastic action!

I finally overcame my fear of being ruthless and scrapped what I had written beyond the new pivotal scenes.

I scrapped approximately 250 handwritten pages.

I sacrificed between 45000-50000 words that had been lovingly written. GULP!

I waited on the ensuing panic to hit me. The anticipated mental cries of “What have you done!”

They never materialised.

It was liberating. It’s set the storyline free again and the pivotal scene is now nestling comfortably in its rightful position.

(Author breathes a sigh of relief!)

So what did I do with all those beautiful words that I’d spent months writing?

Did I shred them?

Did I bin them?

No. I closed the book over, put a post it on the front saying “Shelved” and stashed it in my “desk drawer” aka the red plastic crate that lurks under the kitchen table.

I just couldn’t bring myself to totally destroy all my hard work. After all, there’s actually nothing wrong with them. They just don’t “fit” anymore.

I’ve hoarded them away.

A further thought struck me like a bolt of lightning. I’m a word hoarder!

I probably have every creatively written word that I’ve produced over the past 30 some years stashed away in the house somewhere.

I may have finally been able to edit without mercy but I can’t destroy the evidence…yet!

 

 

(image shared via Google Images)

 

The Final UK Carnival of Madness show- memorable to say the least!

 

 

My Carnival of Madness adventure part two began with trains, buses, trains and eventually a taxi to our hotel for the night, handily situated right beside the arena.

Girl Child and I were off on a mother/daughter trip to Manchester!

The first train to Glasgow was uneventful. It was the slow train so it stopped at every lamppost but we got there. Girl Child decided she REALLY needed something from Burger King for second breakfast so by 9.30am she was happily scoffing a Chicken Royale burger …BLEURGH!

Stage two of the journey was a two-hour bus ride to Carlisle. I don’t normally travel well on buses and turn fifty shades of green within a short period of time however I survived this trip intact. We found ourselves in a very cold Carlisle station. Us and the rest of the population of Carlisle! Some steam train (I think it was the Flying Scotsman – I’m no train spotter) was due to pass through and stop at the station. In all the confusion we missed our train.

I’m too polite to repeat what my Girl Child had to say about that!

If in doubt, find some caffeine! We parked ourselves at a small platform-side café that was equally cold for lunch.

Our second attempt at catching the Trans-pennine Express was more successful and we were soon on our way, albeit an hour behind schedule.

I had booked first class seats so the journey was quite calm and pleasant and included free coffee! Never a bad thing.

We arrived at Manchester’s Piccadilly Station around 3.30pm. It was a zoo!! Eventually we found the correct exit and a taxi rank.  The late afternoon traffic was bedlam and it was just after 4pm before we finally arrived at our hotel.

Our fifth floor room was nothing fancy. It was clean. You know what to expect from a Travel Lodge room. Girl Child promptly claimed the double bed as hers….guess the single would have to do me.

We snacked on the juice, popcorn and biscuits that I had in my bag while we got ready to head out to the show.

The arena was only a short walk from the hotel but finding the way was like walking through a labyrinth. First time I’ve entered a gig via a railway station!

We made our usual pilgrimage to the merchandise stall (yes, Four, I was a naughty girl and bought more shirts and, no, I’m not telling you how many), had a quick comfort stop then made our way into the standing arena.

Another first here- the standing arena is accessed from the top level of the hall and down through all the seats. Following the queue, we zig-zagged our way down to the arena floor. The event staff were collecting in the tickets. I queried if we could keep them as souvenirs (I have every ticket from every show I’ve been to) The guy assured me we would get a ticket back on the way out at the end…oh….ok….

It was decision time- right or left hand side of the stage? We went right.

Manchester Arena is huge in comparison to others I’ve been in. (I believe it can hold around 21000) and the standing arena was sold out. By some small miracle we found ourselves a spot three or four rows off the barrier among reasonably short people and with a good view of the stage. Happy days!

Highly Suspect came on stage at 6.15, launching straight into a raucous set. There was a different energy about them compared with the Glasgow show and the Manchester crowd appeared to be enjoying them more than the Scottish rock fans had. I guess I enjoyed their performance a lot more too as I was finally getting to hear the entire short set…..that was until their front man “gobbed” on stage again Twice! Bleurgh! Would I still like to see them play a smaller show? Hmmm…the jury is currently out on that thought.

Next up were Halestorm who were in storming form! Lzzy was most definitely commanding this crowd. Mid-set Black Stone Cherry appeared on stage to do a meet and greet (was that Zach Myers in the midst of it?) then John Fred Young and the drummer from Highly Suspect stayed on stage to “assist” Arejay with his drum solo. Good hearted end of UK tour antics that the fans were loving. The set hadn’t altered much from Monday night’s show. Mayhem, Freak Like Me and I Miss The Misery rounded things off in raucous RnFnR style.

One of the best Halestorm performances that I’ve seen.

I had warned Girl Child about the tape that would play in between Halestorm and Shinedown’s sets. Yes, Manchester too was treated to the fifteen minute meditation tape. What the hell was all that about, boys?

The energy in the room evaporated rapidly.

Girl Child loves Shinedown so they were to be the highlight of her evening as it was her first experience of seeing them play live. They didn’t disappoint. Yes, Brent Smith wasted time talking too much and by going for a saunter through the arena but, in general, he seemed back on his game. I was enjoying seeing more of Zach Myers this time round. Love him to bits!

My heart swelled as I watched Girl Child sing and cheer, horns up, with a wide grin on her pretty wee face. I love to see her happy and enjoying herself.

Shinedown’s set was identical to Monday night’s with one addition. Brent Smith declared that as they were in Manchester they had better play something to keep the locals happy. They did just that by playing Oasis’ Don’t Look Back In Anger before moving on to play Simple Man. Have I said how much I love that song?

Set closer Sound Of Madness nearly lifted the roof off the arena.

Manchester loves Shinedown!

Our long day of travel and rock music was starting to take it’s toll. Both Girl Child and I were wilting a little. Our backs were in agony and she was complaining her feet were sore from standing. My shoulders were aching. Cue the entry of the “rock’n’roll polo mints” and a Dextro tablet each. Gig survival kit!

We were both very thirsty by this point though.  We’d been there for about four hours by this time.

Manchester, you could learn a lot about passing back water to thirsty fans from your colleagues at the SSE Hydro!!!!

Not a drop of water was to be had. (Once, the security staff passed a large sports bottle along the very front row but nothing was offered beyond that) Very poor show, Manchester.

The curtain had again been raised to hide the stage changeover but from our vantage point we could see the stage crew working hard. Although why they were burning an incense stick in the machine heads on one of the guitars is beyond me….

Shortly before show time, the tape being played to keep the crowd amused played Slipknot’s Psychosocial. The crowd around us went wild and were in fine voice! We were revved up and ready to rock once more!

A few moments later than scheduled the lights went out, Black Stone Cherry began Me And Mary Jane. The curtain fell and the front of the stage exploded with jets from a row of air cannons blasting skywards. Rain Wizard and Blind Man followed. Explosive start to the show!

Like Halestorm and Shinedown before them, the boys from Kentucky were on fire tonight!

 

(I had started to write this on the train journey home on Sunday – my train of thought was de-railed by more unexpected travel issues – but more of that shortly)

 

Now where was i?

 

Holding On To Letting Go almost raised the roof! Awesome!

I loved the snatch of Roadhouse Blues in Yeah Man…..and then the evening took a downward spiral.

I noticed that Girl Child had gone kind of quiet. I asked her if she was ok and got a mumbled response. I put my arm around her waist and she didn’t immediately protest. She was on the point of collapse.

With my arm securely round her, I half dragged her to the side and signalled to one of the security staff, indicating that we needed water quick. She was given a few squirts from the communal sports bottle.

It didn’t help.

A few feet to our left Arejay Hale and Josh Hottinger from Halestorm stood watching the show – Girl Child never even saw them.

The security girl let us through the barrier and a supervisor directed us up the entire length of the arena to a corridor where there were toilets and a “bar hatch”. Manchester Arena isn’t the most modern or luxurious. I sat Girl Child down on the floor, propping her up against the wall and ran to fetch her a Coke in an attempt to get some sweet liquid into her.

It had a little effect but she was still not really with me.

An annoying little drunk came over to chat. Instantly the security supervisor was at my side chasing him. With the drunk duly despatched, the supervisor suggested we head to the first aid station.

In the background, I could hear Black Stone Cherry playing The Rambler – I could’ve cared less! My baby girl was my focus.

The first aid room was on the opposite side of the arena. I half carried her across the back of the hall as Black Stone Cherry belted out Peace Is Free (or was that Pizzas Free) accompanied by Lzzy Hale and other members of Halestorm.

The first aid room was basic beyond belief. The first aiders, although very pleasant, had basic knowledge and little in the way of help to offer me. I explained what had happened etc etc then asked if Girl Child could lie down for a few minutes with her legs raised. After about ten minutes (it felt like forever) she began to feel a little better and began to talk to us again.

I then began to fret about how I was going to get her back to the hotel. Was I going to have to drag her up all those stairs through the seating area again?

The first aider put my fears at ease and said, as we were staying at the Travel Lodge, he would bend the rules and let us leave by the “back door.”

To the strains of White Trash Millionaire, I helped Girl Child along the corridor and out into the secure yard where the tour buses were parked.

When we exited the gate I discovered the hotel was only about 100 yards away.

Once safely back in the hotel I ordered some food and drinks from the bar and eventually we took them up to the room with us. A combination of Irn Bru, Coke and fresh air had revived Girl Child and she managed to eat her meal.

My nerves were shot!

While she slept all night, I lay awake worrying about her.

Next morning, she was more or less back to normal. I was shattered!

When we went down for breakfast, the dining room was a sea of exhausted, hungover rock fans all wearing new band merch. I’d had one beer and about three hours sleep at best and I felt as rough as they looked!

Bags packed, we checked out and headed out into the sunshine in search of some retail therapy at the Arndale Centre.

After a medicinal stop at Starbucks for caffeine and a whirlwind shopping trip, it was time to head back for the train to Carlisle.

I’d spoken to the Big Green Gummi Bear earlier on and he’d very kindly offered to meet us in Carlisle and save us the two hour bus trip and forty minute train ride.

The train left on time. We had the entire first class carriage to ourselves. Bliss!

A bout an hour and three quarters later the train stopped at Penrith. The service was terminating there. Some poor individual had jumped under the train that had been in front of ours. Icy shivers ran down my spine.

A quick call to the Big Green Gummi Bear caught him before he turned off for Carlisle and he agreed to drive the extra few miles to fetch us at Penrith.

I don’t know when I was last so glad to see him!

As he drove us home, Girl Child chattered away. In the passenger seat, I finally relaxed.

We’d survived. From listening to Girl Child, I gathered that despite everything, she’d enjoyed her trip. Despite all the dramas, we’d both enjoyed a memorable weekend.

Perhaps not the mother/daughter weekend I’d envisaged in my head but most definitely one to remember.

Wonder where we can go next?

Man CofMManchester