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The Meaning of Life…. a beginner’s mission

I stumbled across the above quote on Facebook recently and it struck a chord with me.

No, I’m not about to get all philosophical here. Definitely not my style. I’m not even going to theorise about the meaning of life. I mean all good Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy fans know its 42!

What I will share though is my growing collection of mini “mighty oaks”.

A few years ago now, I picked up a handful of acorns one October afternoon while I was out for a walk and decided to plant them. I didn’t really expect any results but much to my amazement, several months later four small trees began to grow. I’ve nurtured them ever since.

Last October, I was walking in the same area and found more acorns…yes. you guessed it. I brought those home and planted them and a couple of weeks ago, they began to grow.

I now have 12 “baby” oak trees in total. And while I may never sit under their shade, I’ll enjoy nurturing them over the coming years.

“Google Brain – how do you bonsai an oak tree?”…..

Hope



The author sat at her desk, pen in hand, gazing down at the
fresh blank page in front of her. Snatches of ideas were scattered through her
mind. Fragments of storylines and characters but the words to connect them were
missing.

She took a sip of her wine and sighed.

Words and sentences and whole paragraphs used to flow so
freely from her pen…but that was before. Now, every word and sentence required
effort. Paragraphs were exhausting.

Closing her eyes, she offered up a silent prayer, a plea, to
her creative muse.

A movement at the edge of her consciousness caught her
attention. It was a figure, a young woman who seemed just out of reach.

“Relax. This is all going to work out. Look around you. Look
deep within. All those words, your gifts are still inside you. You’ve buried
them deep within to keep your unique talents safe but now is the time to trust
yourself and set them free. It’s time to let your stories shine once more. You
have so much still to give.”

“Who are you?” asked the author quietly.

“I’m Hope,” replied the woman. “Go on. Pick up your pen. Let
those words flow onto the page. It’s time to heal those emotional wounds and to
trust that you can reach your gifts. They are waiting for you to set them free.”

The author blinked, hardly daring to believe what she’d just
heard. Hope? Was it really that simple?

She took a deep breath, glanced down at the page, and began
to write. Slowly the words stumbled onto the page then they began to gather
pace…. they began to flow.

“Keep going,” whispered the voice in the distance.



 



Flashback Friday….. Stronger Within

Flashback Friday….

She had just put the finishing touches to her makeup when she heard a truck crunch over the gravel in front of the house. By the time she had made her way down the hallway to the front door, Jake was already on the porch. His long hair was still damp – signs of a recent shower- and he too seemed to have taken care with his wardrobe. Behind him in the driveway she could see a black Dodge Ram pickup truck parked under the tree.

“Your chariot awaits,” he declared theatrically.

“Hi, Jake,” she smiled, stepping out onto the porch, pausing to pull the door closed behind her.

“Hi,” he replied. “Are you still ok with this?”

“Of course! I’ve been looking forward to it,” she said. “And to seeing you,” she added silently to herself.

“Ok. Let’s go then. The local metropolis awaits you.”

Getting into the passenger seat of the truck proved to be a challenge, but Jake swept in and lifted her up into the seat. He slid her crutches in behind then handed her the strap of the seatbelt.

“I hope you’re impressed. I even cleaned out the truck for you,” he said proudly. “It’s not usually so tidy.”

“I’m honoured. Thank you.”

As Jake turned on the ignition, the stereo burst into life and the cab was suddenly filled with very loud hard rock music. He reached to switch it off, but Lori stopped him.

“No worries. It’s fine with me,” she assured. “Is this the kind of stuff your band plays?”

“Yeah,” said Jake reversing out into the narrow road.

Want to know where they went? Want to know how their date went?

Want to know more? … then check out the Silver Lake series on Amazon

Amazon.com links –

Stronger Within – https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00VXDSC1M

Impossible Depths – https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01C0GS30K

Bonded Souls – https://www.amazon.com/dp/B06XSQHG71

Shattered Hearts – https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07ZY8ZSDM

Long Shadows – https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08RR1FGLG

Amazon.co.uk links –

Stronger Within – https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00VXDSC1M

Impossible Depths – https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B01C0GS30K

Bonded Souls – https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B06XSQHG71

Shattered Hearts – https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B07ZY8ZSDM

Long Shadows – https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B08RR1FGLG

The Measly Jar of Motivation – the ocean- have you seen it?

Have you ever seen the ocean? I don’t mean on TV or in films or on social media. Have you actually stood on the beach and gazed out over the ocean?

I have. Two of them to be precise but let’s stick with one for the purposes of this blog.

I first saw the ocean fifty years ago this August on a family holiday to the USA. (Lord that makes me sound ancient!) I was four years old but still have some vivid memories of that trip. Among the clearest are those of visiting Ocean City NJ, playing in the icy cold sand under the boardwalk, paddling in the ocean itself and watching my cousin build “drizzle” sandcastles. Some of that sand and ocean seeped into my soul that summer.

We returned six years later for another family reunion. That trip marked the start of another ocean related love affair. We spent a few days staying in Rehoboth Beach DE. (If you’ve read my Silver Lake series, you’ll be familiar with Rehoboth Beach) That small town stole a piece of my heart there and then.

It was another twenty-four years before I returned to the USA for a family trip. This time it was me taking my own young family to experience the ocean’s magic.  We spent a few days in Ocean City MD but on the way back to my aunt’s house, my cousin took the kids and I to Rehoboth Beach. I was a little anxious in case the magic had faded. I needn’t have worries. That ocean magic was still there even if the Weather Gods weren’t being kind that day. We got soaked to the skin in a downpour!

I returned several times over the next eight years and a highlight of each trip was a day at Rehoboth Beach.

Thanks to the wonders of modern technology, I’ve been able to enjoy the ocean and the beach from afar. In fact, watching the sunrise via FB live videos shared by wonderful local photographers and the webcam on one of the oceanfront hotels helped keep me going through the three years of the Big Green Gummi Bear’s illness.

That ocean kept whispering to me.

As I watched those virtual sunrises, I made a promise to myself to return to Rehoboth Beach and sit on that sand and watch it for myself.

I’m honouring that promise at the end of next month.

My world has changed since my last visit to Rehoboth Beach and my last view of the Atlantic Ocean. My kids have grown up and have lives of their own to lead. I’m now a widow (still not too sure about that word) and I’m returning on my own this time.

I hope that magic is still there….

Memorial Day free e-book – Stronger Within

When she came out of the restaurant a few minutes later, Jake was standing waiting for her beside the truck. He was smiling and looked every inch the rock star with his tight black jeans, loose black shirt and long blonde hair. Everything about him was the polar opposite to her previous boyfriends. Well, it was time she had a bit of fun she guessed, as she reached the truck. As he lifted her up onto the seat, he leaned forward and kissed her gently on the forehead. She lifted her face and brushed a gentle kiss onto his cheek.

“Thanks for dinner.”

“Pleasure,” said Jake, closing the door gently.

Lori noticed the half full bottle of wine was sitting in the centre console storage box. She also caught sight of a guitar case behind the driver’s seat.

Want to know more… well Stronger Within, book one in the Silver Lake series is FREE to download today.

Check it out using the links below:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00VXDSC1Mhttps://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00VXDSC1M

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00VXDSC1M

Happy reading 🙂

Peonies (an acrostic poem)

Petals tightly furled.

Echoes of how I feel.

One by open they gradually open.

Nudging, encouraging each other.

In time, the flower is fully in bloom.

Echoes of how I hope to feel on day,

Surrounded by sunlight…. Content.

(flowers from Bloom & Wild )

Weird Austin soundtrack

About a month ago, I flew to Austin Tx to catch up with my Boy Child who has been doing some travelling and to attend the MotoGP weekend at COTA.

I arrived at the airport late in the afternoon somewhat weary after a long flight from London. Boy Child had kindly met me at the airport and as we left the terminal building to go across to the rideshare pick up point, two things hit me. The first was the heat! The second was the most bizarre noise I’d heard in a long time. Had I just stepped onto the set of a Star Wars movie? The noise was a cross between a Star Wars droid, radio static and an old rusty squeaky door.

“What the f**k is that?” I asked as I laughed at this weird noise.

Boy Child fell about laughing. “It’s a bird.!

I know they refer to “Weird Austin” but no one mentioned “Weird Austin” birds!

Next day was Thursday, so with a free day ahead of our MotoGP experience, we took an uber from our hotel into the city centre to explore. The driver dropped us at the State Capitol Building and as we walked through the surrounding park, all you could hear every few minutes was the crazy calls of these bizarre birds.

“What is making that racket?” I asked.

“Those,” replied Boy Child pointing to a crow-like bird in the grass ahead of us.

That is in fact a Grackle. A Great-tailed Grackle to be precise and it’s a member of the blackbird family (thanks Google). Despite its looks, its neither a crow nor a jay. It’s a blackbird. Wee Scottish blackbirds sound nothing like their Southern USA cousins, I can tell you!

Austin is full of these birds! Some people love them; some people hate them as they can be aggressive and they scrounge food from everywhere and anywhere. In fact, Austin residents refer to them as “tacoraptors” thanks to their habit of scrounging from the city’s many food trucks.

Me? I fell a little bit in love with these cheeky intelligent birds. Their quirky birdsong made me laugh out loud every time I heard it all week. A bird that makes me laugh can’t be a bad thing. Laughter is good for the soul after all.

If you want to hear for yourself what these guys sound like, there are several sound samples in the article below:

Great-tailed Grackle | Audubon Field Guide

(article sourced via Google- credits to the owner)

The Shadow of Strength That Falls Behind Me.

“The taller I stood in my vulnerability, the longer the shadow of strength that fell behind me.” That sentence by Beth Kempton resonates with me.

Six months have passed since G drew his last breath, ending his and our (the kids and I’s) ordeal that was his Glioblastoma journey. It was a journey to hell and back and then some.

In the midst of the journey that lasted for just over three years, it was impossible to recognise just how vulnerable I really was. Now six months on from the journey’s end, I am slowly coming to terms with the enormity of the whole thing. People keep telling me who well I’m doing, how well I’m coping, how strong I am… I don’t feel as if I’m doing any of those things.

I feel as though I am slowly but surely picking up the shattered pieces of “me”. I’ll never reassemble them as they were before. That “me” has gone forever. This version of “me” will be different. I firmly believe it’s impossible to watch someone you love to die slowly bit by bit, day by day, and for that not to change you.

It’s recognised that a Glioblastoma diagnosis is one of the toughest to receive. It truly is! These tumours are a death sentence from the moment of diagnosis at present. Hopefully one day soon science will advance enough to change that. For now though, there is no cure. Many tumours are too advanced at the point of diagnosis to even be surgically debulked or for any life prolonging treatment to be an option. In reality, treatment can only buy so much time and tragically that can be quite poor quality of life “time”. Apologies if that seems harsh but it’s the truth….

Throughout G’s journey, I knew I had to keep going. I had to keep going to work (albeit work was in the living room rather than in the office). I had to keep going to set a strong example for my son and daughter to follow. I had to keep going for my elderly parents’ sake to stop them from worrying too much about us all. I had to keep going for G’s sake. I had to keep going for me because I knew if I stopped, I would crumble.

I kept going…

I kept working full time throughout. I kept writing, finishing and publishing one novel then writing and publishing another. I kept blogging, never missing a week. I kept journaling because pouring my emotions and fears out through the words I wrote on the pages of my journal kept me going…and so it continued.

There were many complexities to my marriage. I don’t propose to dissect it here. No marriage is ever wholly perfect. Mine, all 28 years of it, was far from perfect. Over the past few years, I’ve come to realise that society assumes everything in a relationship is a bed of roses pre-diagnosis. The truth in some cases can be a very different story.

I promised G right at the start of the journey that I would support him and whatever decisions he made to the bitter end, and I did. My love and support never wavered. I can say that with a clear conscience.

Only now though as the shadows of grief start to stretch out behind me, can I begin to appreciate the mental, physical and emotional toll that this journey has taken on me and my children. I don’t often admit it but we’re each a bit “broken”. Certain aspects have left each of us suffering symptoms similar to PTSD, but I believe that time is a good healer and with time and unconditional love, I’m optimistic that we’ll be ok. Time will tell.

I’m not very tall so I’m not sure that the opening sentence from Beth Kempton truly applies but even if I don’t stand that tall, I didn’t allow the weight of the journey to render me so vulnerable that I broke. I’ll not lie, I came close a few times but each time I would turn my face towards the sun and let the shadows fall behind me, adopting my “Sunflower Philosophy”.

That shadow that now follows me through every day has changed too. It’s a shadow compromised of resilience, strength, stubbornness, determination, empathy, compassion and unconditional love. It’s a shadow that I’m gradually learning to be proud of.

Stats , views, likes, followers……and Greenland

It’s hard to avoid being caught up in the statistics game when you are on a creative journey. I give my stats an occasional glance. I think in pictures so the stats map within the depths of WordPress invariably catches my attention more than the numbers.

I’m flattered that anyone would spare a moment of their day to read my blog posts. Life’s busy so I am thankful to those souls who stop by my blog and read my content. Time is precious and if you’ve spared me some of yours then I am eternally grateful.

The map fascinates me. I saved the snip above of the map from my blog stats recently. It shows all the areas of the world where someone has spared a few moments to look at my blog at some point during its lifespan. If it’s pale pink then there have been a few views. If it’s a deeper shade then the numbers are higher. I’m based in the UK and the 16125 noted on the map is the total number of views from there. The number for the USA isn’t far behind it and that surprises me, if I’m being honest.

All of those pink countries make me go a bit pink too. (Yes, I know some of those views could just be bots scanning content but please don’t burst my bubble here)

A few years ago now I shared the map on here and I set myself a goal at that point. It’s a creative goal that’s still to be achieved for my blog.

I really hope I manage it one day….

oh… and what is it? I’d love to see Greenland go pink!

In all seriousness though, thank you from the bottom of my heart for the ongoing love and support that you show my blog. It really does help to fuel the fires of creativity.

love and hugs to each and every one of you

Coral xx

Silently Watching Beneath the Pink Full Moon

Once the court chamber was empty and Anna had been returned to her secure cell, Jefferson suggested that The Thirteen take a short break before returning to the chamber to discuss the decision. When they reconvened an hour later, the curved table had been rearranged to form a circular table that was more conducive to a group discussion.

“We’ve heard all the testimonies. We’ve listened to the revelation about the blood groups. Are we agreed that we have sufficient information to allow us to reach a fair and balanced verdict?” began Jefferson formally.

“We do,” replied the others in unison.

“Thank you. In view of the blood group complication, are we in agreement that our sister Anna should not be put to death?”

This time there were some rumblings of disagreement.

Stefan was the first to speak, “The bloodlines add a new dimension to this trial. I think Meryn should be afforded more time once this is concluded to research our blood ancestry in greater detail but, from the evidence we have heard so far, I am not in favour of the death penalty for Anna.”

“I agree,” said Michael, his Southern drawl slower than ever as he chose his words. “We need to preserve the bloodline.”

“But if we imprison Anna for the rest of her days, she’s not going to be doing anything to support the preservation of that bloodline,” observed Trine. “She’ll not be allowed to create more of us. She’ll simply fester in a cell. Why not just put her to death now?”

“Death’s too easy for her,” muttered Hannah sourly. “She’s a monster!”

None of them disagreed.

“Are we agreed that Anna is guilty of all the charges brought against her?” asked Jefferson, looking round the table for consent.

“No,” said Meryn, much to everyone’s surprise.

“Explain,” instructed Jefferson, intrigued to hear which charge Meryn thought Anna was innocent of.

“This is where I wish we had adopted the Scottish legal system and could draw on “not proven” as a verdict,” sighed Meryn. “I am of the opinion that Anna is guilty of all but one of the charges. I don’t believe she is guilty of forcing Jeremiah into our vampire way of life.”

“You don’t?” exclaimed Miguel and Manuela together.

“I don’t. I heard my son’s testimony. She gave him a choice. He might be guilty of making a poor choice, but I don’t believe Anna forced him into his transformation entirely against his will.”

“That’s a rather charitable train of thought, Meryn,” observed Jefferson. “But I disagree entirely. The years of hell she subjected your son to are a crime in themselves.”

“Are they?” challenged Meryn sharply. “Did any of you actually hear him complain about the choice he made when it was offered to him?”

“No. He didn’t complain. Not once,” agreed Trine. “If he was angry about the transformation, Jem had plenty of opportunity to kill Anna, but he didn’t. He adapted to life as a vampire.”

“Let’s take a vote,” suggested Jefferson. “If you think Anna is innocent of the charge relating to Jeremiah, raise your hand.”

When he counted, there were eight raised hands.

“By a majority of three, Anna is cleared of the charges relating to unlawfully transforming Jeremiah into a vampire,” concluded Jefferson. “For consistency, raise your hand if you find Anna guilty of all remaining charges.”

All twelve hands were raised this time.

“Thank you. Raise your hand if you are in favour of sentencing Anna to death.”

Four hands were raised when Jefferson counted.

“So, we are agreed by a majority vote that Anna will be spared the death penalty,” he stated. “Now we need to agree how best to imprison her securely.”

“We could incarcerate her here,” commented Meryn calmly. “That would allow easy access to observe her and run more detailed blood analysis.”

“Or we could return her to my tower in Italy,” added Alessandro.

“I’d feel safer if she were kept below ground,” said Stefan. “I still suspect that we haven’t fully discovered the extent of our sister’s powers. She relies heavily on moonlight. Let’s keep her away from the sun and the moon.”

“I agree,” nodded Meryn.

“Is there not too much magic here to imprison her safely?” asked Jai. “You are correct. We do not know her full power. She needs to be kept where she can’t draw strength from the magic in the air around us.”

“A valid point, Jai,” agreed Jefferson. “Do we have any locations that are free from magic and secure enough to contain her?”

“We need to place wards around wherever we imprison her,” commented Jean-Claude. “Can we bind her so that cannot draw on the magic around her?”

“Yes, she will need to be bound. The strongest way to do that is to bind her to one of us but that’s not practical,” replied Meryn.

“Meryn’s right,” nodded Jefferson. “So, we need an underground location that we can seal with strong wards.” He paused, “Stefan, are there any empty cells in Level Zero?”

“There are two.”

“Excellent,” stated Jefferson. “I propose that we imprison Anna here in Level Zero. Raise your hand if you agree.”

Six hands were raised.

“A split vote,” he observed. “It would appear that I have the casting vote here.  I vote that we incarcerate Anna in Level Zero indefinitely.”

“It will be done,” agreed Stefan plainly. “The guards will need a few hours to prepare her cell and to strengthen the wards.”

“Fair. I want her down there by moon rise.”

“It will be done,” agreed Stefan.

“Thank you,” replied Jefferson. “Let’s reconvene in the chamber in thirty minutes to deliver the verdict.”

Alone in his chamber, Jem lay on the bed going over his testimony. Had he missed anything? Did he cast the dark angel in too negative a light? Could he have chosen his words more carefully? Had he really finally admitted what he’d known deep inside for years that he loved her?”

Suddenly he was aware that someone was scrying his mind. The touch was faint, but it was there. Over the years, he had learned to keep the “barriers” up to prevent unwanted intrusions, but he could definitely feel someone probing around. Then he heard it. A faint voice from far away, saying simply, “Help me.”

Anna! It had to be her.

Common sense told him to reinforce his barriers; his heart told him to listen more closely.

“Son of Perran, help me.”

This time the voice was cleared. As he’d been taught, Jem stilled his mind and focused his thoughts on an inanimate mundane object, in this case the doorknob, to prevent the intruder getting past his barriers.

“Please help me.”

A knock at the door startled him back to reality.

“Enter,” he called, trying to sound calmer than he felt.

One of the court officials entered, “It’s time to return to court for the verdict, sire.”

All thoughts of the voice in his mind were momentarily forgotten as he followed the court official along the now familiar passageways to the courtroom. Without a second thought, Jem returned to his usual seat to await the arrival of The Thirteen.

The courtroom fell silent as The Thirteen entered the chamber and took their seats at the table, now returned to its elongated curved shape. In front of Jem, Anna stood still and silent, bound by fresh binds cast by Alessandro.

“I’d like to thank you all for your patience,” began Jefferson warmly. “This trial was always destined to be lengthy and complex, but I don’t think any of us appreciated just how lengthy it would prove to be.” He paused. “Some of you may be surprised by how swiftly we’ve reached a unanimous verdict. For all bar one of the charges against our sister Anna the verdict was clear, having heard the testimonies.”

He paused again to gather his thoughts before continuing, “Anna, daughter of Tristan, The Thirteen find you guilty of all charges bar one. We find you not guilty of the charges in relation to Jeremiah. The Thirteen have agreed that Jeremiah fully understood the choice you gave him prior to the initial failed partial transformation.”

Much to his surprise, Jem found himself breathing a sigh of relief at the verdict.

“Anna, The Thirteen sentence you to a lifetime confined to Level Zero here in the castle. You will be taken from this chamber direct to your cell. You are forbidden from hunting. You are forbidden from practicing magic. You will be bound in your cell to always be truthful. Magic wards will defend your cell. Those wards will alert The Thirteen if you attempt to tamper with them.” He signalled to Alessandro and two of the senior officials to come forward. “Gentlemen, please escort Anna to Level Zero.”

A knock at her chamber door startled Trine as she was packing her things in preparation for returning to her normal suite of rooms.

“Enter,” she called brightly.

If she was surprised to see Jefferson enter the room, she did her best to disguise it.

“Apologies for the intrusion, Trine,” he said warmly. “I’m leaving tonight and wanted to offer my congratulations before I left.”

“You know?”

Jefferson smiled and nodded, “I do and in the interests of protecting us all, including your unborn child, I chose to turn a blind eye to your condition. This babe is the first in hopefully a long line of new purebloods and needed protection. To your credit, you and Meryn did a fine job of concealing the presence of a fourteenth pure blood round the table. There was no need though.” He smiled, “I had already cast a protective enchantment over you that prevented the others from sensing your delicate condition.”

“You could find yourself before the Court of the Elders if anyone were to find out,” commented Trine with a smile.

“I think Stefan would have ensured I had a fair hearing,” laughed Jefferson, reaching out to embrace her. “This pregnancy won’t be easy, my dear. Please follow Meryn’s guidance. If anyone can see you and the babe safely through this, it is Meryn. She supported my wife through both her pregnancies a long time ago.”

“Thanks, Jefferson.”

“No need to thank me, my dear,” he assured her. “Till next time.”

“Till next time,” she echoed as he left the room, leaving the door ajar.

Several hours later, Jem stood alone on the castle ramparts, gazing out across the mountains towards the full moon. It was a crystal-clear night. After so long seated in the underground court chambers, he was relishing the fresh air that was filling his lungs and the brush of the breeze against his skin. Once Anna had been taken away, the seal had been broken on the court and witnesses were all free to leave. Many had already departed, keen to return to their homes. He had returned to the chambers he shared with Trine to await her return.

Two stars that appeared to be shining brighter than the others caught his eye. Silently, he wondered which ones they were.

“Hey,” the familiar voice startled him.

He glanced round to find Trine standing beside him.

“Hey,” repeated Jem, slipping his hand into hers.

“Oh, it’s good to breathe fresh air,” sighed Trine. “I’ve missed it more than I’ve missed hunting.”

“Same,” he replied. “Hopefully it’ll soon be our salty beach air we’re enjoying.”

“Hopefully,” agreed the ice maiden resting her hand on her gently swollen stomach. “A few more days.”

“Why not tomorrow?”

“Meryn wants to teach me how to cope with my pregnancy,” she explained. “Vampire babies are rare. Vampire pregnancies are complicated. It’s not like a human pregnancy. The risks are higher.”

“It’ll be fine,” he promised her softly.

“I hope so,” she said with a smile.

Pointing to the full moon, Trine said, “Did you know that this full moon is the Pink Moon?”

Jem shook his head.

“I think it’s a good omen,” she continued. “A good omen for our daughter.”