Tag Archives: #reflections

Parenting… how do we know if we’ve done it right?

Parenting… one of the most challenging and rewarding roles but how do we know we’ve done or are doing it right? Million-dollar question right there!

Don’t panic, this isn’t going to turn into a self-help parenting guide blog. Humour me a moment.

I shared a short story on here recently (The Measly Jar of Motivation – Inside Out | Coral McCallum ) and there were echoes in it of the night my son was born.

There was a moment in time that has lived with me for more than twenty-five years and it came a few short hours after he was born. It was late, after midnight, and I was totally exhausted after giving birth. It had been a very long day! In the plastic crib at the end of the bed, my newborn son began to cry. Instinctively, I got out of bed, lifted him into my arms and tried to console him. He’d had a rough day too. As I gazed out the window into the dark night and at the streetlights twinkling below, the weight of responsibility of being a parent hit me. It hit me like a ton of bricks!

This tiny crying bundle of joy was depending on me. Was I up to the job? Could I nurture and care for and teach this child the life skills he would need to reach adulthood? I’ll not lie…at that moment I felt totally overwhelmed and SO underprepared for motherhood.

I’ve never classed myself as a natural mother but whether my now adult children agree or not, I’ve done my best. They both made it safely to adulthood. Whew!

Fast forward eleven years or so from the cold dark night that my son was worn. Over the years I had among other things introduced him to music and tried to nurture his tastes. The day had finally come when I was taking him to his first concert. Unsure as to how he would be in a crowd of rock fans, I’d erred on the side of caution and opted for seated tickets. (See I could be a sensible mother sometimes). He was beyond excited to be at his first “gig”.

The support act that night were a young up-and-coming Southern rock band from Kentucky called Black Stone Cherry. The first song they played was a song called Rain Wizard… and so began a lifelong love of live music for my son.

A few weeks ago, having queued outside in the pouring rain for over an hour, my son and I took up our spots just off the rail for the night and for the umpteenth time prepared to watch Black Stone Cherry play live. Rain Wizard was on the set and as the thundering drum intro began, I was transported for a moment back to that night from 2009 in Glasgow’s SEC.

Fourteen years  and countless gigs from numerous bands later, my baby boy was still happily beside me at a gig. I smiled to myself and realised that maybe I hadn’t done so bad a job of being a parent after all.

Oh and if you’re curious about the song, here’s the video from the other week

Rain Wizard – Black Stone Cherry @ St Luke’s Glasgow 06/10/23 – YouTube

(image sourced via Google – credits to the owner)

At The End Of The Day (poetry blog)

At the end of the day

As I watch the sun sink lower in the sky

I sigh…

It’s a weary sigh.

At the end of the day

As the sun’s warmth fades away

I sigh…

It’s a weary sigh.

At the end of the day

As the shadows lengthen around me

I sigh…

It’s a weary sigh.

At the end of the day

As night wraps around me like a cloak

I sigh…

It’s a weary sigh.

At the end of the day

As I watch the moonrise in clear night sky

I sigh…

It’s a weary sigh

At the end of the day

As I settle down to sleep til dawn

I sigh…

It’s a weary sigh.

Tomorrow’s always another day…

As I Meander (poem)

As I meander, I listen

Listen to the birds singing

The waves washing in on the shore

The wind in the trees

The daydreams in my mind.

As I meander, I watch

Watch the traffic pass me by

Watch for the car I hope to see

I listen for the engine approach

But the familiar growl remains unheard.

As I meander, I watch and listen

Watch the people who pass me by

Watch to see if it’s the friendly face I seek

Listen to the footsteps approach from behind.

But the familiar tread remains unheard.

As I meander, I watch and listen and daydream.

Broken Crayons…

It’s funny the things you remember from your childhood. Memories of this box of crayons popped back into my head yesterday when I was in Paperchase deliberating over which journals and pens to treat myself to. I love fancy pens and notebooks!

I remember saving up to buy this box of crayons when I was about 10 years old. I eventually bought my box, complete with sharpener, at the ACME on holiday in America in 1980. No idea what I paid for it but $5 rings a vague bell (it was a long time ago even for my crazy memory).

Even back then I loved colourful pens and pencils and crayons. That box of crayons was my treasured possession at the time. I took great care not to overuse any of the colours in case I had to tear the paper down. (Anyone else remember doing that or is it just me?) The built-in sharpener was used sparingly but I loved the wee colourful curls it spat out. Sad but true! LOL

Oh, happy days….

Now life’s busy. Life’s stressful. Those innocent childhood days when the biggest decision was whether to use Indigo or Violet or Purple are long gone but   one of my favourite sayings still harks back to those days.

We’re all a little broken but last time I checked broken crayons still colour.

(images sourced via Google – credits to the owners)

Dear Diary……

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Do you keep a diary? Do you journal? Is there a difference?

Yes. Yes. And yes.

 

Let’s wind the clock back…back to Christmas Day 1981. Amongst many other gifts (none of which I can remember now) I was given a 5-year diary. It was white with a picture of a Holly Hobbie style doll on front and had a gold lock. I said that I was going to start keeping a daily diary and immediately got one of those looks from my mother. One of those looks that said, “Here she goes again. She won’t last until the end of the first week in January.”

WRONG!

Several…ok many…5-year diaries later I still keep a daily diary in a 5-year diary. I also still have them all including that first wee white one that I began when I was 11 years old.

And like Oscar Wilde, I never travel without out it.

(Another tradition that started on Boxing Day 1981 is that I write out all the dates/days for the coming year on Boxing Day)

 

I also journal and, in my mind, apart from physically being to separate things, they serve two separate purposes.

My diary is a short summary of my day. No, I’m not sharing any live examples here.

My journal is an ad hoc rambling outpouring of thoughts and feelings and I’m certainly not sharing those here!

Both are things that I keep intensely private and always have done.

 

There are pros and cons to keeping both.

 

Year one in a 5-year diary is easy. You have a blank canvas in front of you. Subsequent years can get more difficult as you naturally re-read the entries above each day from previous years If it’s been a  tough time then that can stir up some dust bunnies of emotion; if it’s been a memorable day for all the right reason then it can stir up the fire flies of bright happy moments.

 

Journaling is a bit the same for me.

 

There are no hard and fast rules for doing either. After all, these are your personal thoughts and feelings.

Journaling in my case is more of an exercise in emotional release. I can write out all the things I feel I can’t or won’t say out load. I can vent about my frustrations with life without offending anyone. I can confide my innermost feelings without being judged or patronised.

I’ve filled journals where I’ve used the pages in a random order; I’ve had journals where I’ve started at the front and filled page after page until the notebook is full.

Unlike my diary, I seldom re-read them. I journal to get things out of my system.

Journaling can be an extremely emotional journey. It can be hard if you are admitting to a fear to see it written in black and white on the page in front of you. The very words, previously unspoken, suddenly become very real and are harder to ignore. However, journaling can be a powerful tool to help you process thoughts and to help you to deal with the some of the difficult emotions and situations we experience as humans.

A journal doesn’t criticise so in that aspect alone it can make an ideal confidante.

Bottling feelings up isn’t good for any of us so a diary or a journal can be the perfect conduit to releasing and processing those pent-up feelings. Journaling can be good for us both physically and mentally.

 

Before starting to write this blog post, I did some research into journaling, looking at the meanings, the benefits, the varying techniques you can use but I quickly abandoned that train of thought. I’m not for a second saying that there isn’t valid information out there to support journaling beginners. I’m just personally not in favour of such a structured approach e.g. bullet journaling. As I do with my creative writing, I prefer to go with the flow.

So, if like many of us, you’re maybe needing to approach life in 2020 a little differently, try journaling. You might surprise yourself.

5 year diary

Fleeting Rainbows

 

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Reflections of the past
Aspirations for the future
Inspiration for the present
Nurture for the soul
Beauty to the eye
Observations in a turbulent world
Wishes silently made.

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2019 the end is in sight…..

2020 looking forward

As the end of the year approaches, there are two choices- look back and reflect on the year that’s coming to a close or look forward to the year that is about to dawn.

Personally, I’ll look forward if that’s ok with you.

I’m looking forward to sunrises, sunsets, beach walks and new paths to travel.

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Oh… and the goal for 2020?

It’s a simple one….to write the last part of the Silver Lake series.

Happy New Year to each and every one of you. Thanks for the love and support and I look forward to sharing the journey through 2020 with you.

love n hugs

Coral xx

 

 

It’s all about perspective

OCT 8

As a creature of habit, I take the same route when I go for a walk along the shore at Lunderston Bay, a beauty spot near where I live. It’s very easy to allow routine to kick in and to not look around you.

More recently I’ve been using these walks almost as mindfulness sessions, taking the time to myself to clear my mind. I’ve left my iPod at home and focussed on the sounds of the world around me- the seabirds, the waves, the kids laughter as they play on the beach or in the playpark, dogs barking as they too play on the beach or in the water, the sheep in the fields, the wind around me. I’ve paid attention to the ground beneath my feet- the soft sand, the damp hardpacked sand along the water’s edge, the squishy feeling of the seaweed, the gravel of the path. I’ve paid attention to the sights – the small shells and bright white pebbles in the sand, the sun glinting off the water, the wildflowers that grow along the paths.

I wonder how many people visit this spot and see and hear and feel nothing, seeing it purely as place to let the kids or the dog run free?

OCT 7

Sometimes though you need to look at even the most beautiful places from a different perspective….and you can have a little fun whilst doing it.

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quotes sourced via Google- credits to the owners

Summer is holding onto her colours as Autumn encroaches….

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There’s no denying it….Summer has slipped by all too fast.

The mornings are darker, the evenings are darker, the sun isn’t quite as hot as it was a couple of weeks ago…there’s an Autumnal feel to the world.

However, my patio garden isn’t letting go of Summer without a fight- a colour fight!

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Even, Sioux,  is still holding onto his Summer “brown rather than black” look.

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Till next year, Lady Summer.

Salt And Sand In Her Heart (a short story)

 

 

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Closing her eyes, she stood gazing out over the waves, breathing in the tangy salty air.
Standing at the top of the sandy path, she could see a shimmer of heat rippling over the sand and knew that the walk down to the water’s edge was going to burn her soft bare feet. A flash of colour to her left caught her eye. It was a dragonfly, a sparkling teal green dragonfly. Smiling, she watched as it rested on one of the fence posts momentarily before darting off on its travels.
As quickly as she could, she crossed the soft Sahara hot sand, breathing a sigh of relief when her toes touched the harder packed damp sand closer to the water’s edge. Pausing for a moment, she recalled her first visit to Rehoboth Beach and smiled.
It had been the blistering hot summer of 1980 amid an at the time record breaking heatwave. A clear memory of arriving at their rental house for the week was of a nearby sign declaring that it was 98F and six thirty at night. Hot……damn hot. When her uncle had opened the side door of his VW bus, the heat had hit them all like a blast from an oven.
Their rental had been a stunning wooden house on the outskirts of town somewhere between Rehoboth and Dewey Beach. Its exact location long since lost to the memories of days gone by. Nights in that house had been hot as hell – no AC and beds as hard as boards. There hadn’t been much sleep on that trip for anyone.
Days, however, had been idyllic and were the days that had started her life long love affair with Rehoboth Beach. At only ten years old, she had loved the freedom of the beach and the ocean. Hours and days passed by building sandcastles, digging holes in the sand, gathering seashells and playing in the waves. Her pale white Scottish skin had swiftly taken on a healthy golden glow. The family’s picnic lunches had been supplemented by Thrasher’s French fries, carried so carefully back from the boardwalk.
Afternoons slipped by as she explored the beach, taking care not to stray too far from the family’s beach towel and umbrella oasis. Even back then she had enjoyed people watching as she wove her way between the other families, noting the different scents of their sun tan lotion and the different sand toys their kids played with. She had looked on enviously at the older kids playing in the waves on their boogie boards. Inwardly, she was desperate to join them but she couldn’t swim. Instead she had to settle for an ice cream from Kohr’s before they headed home for dinner and a much-needed shower.
Evenings meant a return trip into town to stroll along the boardwalk. After the daily scramble among them to round up enough quarters to feed the parking meter, she would finally be allowed to explore the shops on Rehoboth Avenue and along the boardwalk. Her favourites had always been the T-shirt stores where they printed whatever you wanted onto a shirt. They were shops that were a magical Aladdin’s cave to her ten-year-old self. The coloured hermit crabs in cages had fascinated her. Her meagre allowance was spent on pens and a snow globe with a dolphin inside.
One store, a shop on Rehoboth Avenue, caught her eye every night. It was a small jewellery store. Her attention had been captured by a tray of silver rings. There was one in particular that she had her eye on. It was smaller than the rest and was a delicate heart shape- half onyx; half mother-of-pearl. Nightly, she had begged her mother to buy the ring, pleading and promising that if she could borrow the money to pay for it, she would pay every cent back when they got home. On their final night in town, after a farewell pizza dinner at Grotto’s, her mother caved in and took her back to the jewellery store. The window had been rearranged and she recalled panicking when she couldn’t initially spot the ring. However, her mother spied it on display on the opposite side of the window before suggesting they enter the shop to try it on. The ring was a perfect fit for her middle finger. The perfect memento of the town that had captured her child’s heart.
Time and circumstance meant that thirty-four years passed before she was able to return to Rehoboth Beach. Over the years she had written essay after essay in school based of a now seemingly mythical beach. She’d drawn numerous pictures of beaches with dolphins playing in the waves. She’d almost driven her mother insane asking when they would go back to America. As she’d grown from child to teenager to woman to a wife and mother, she’d still dreamed of returning to the beach someday.
When that day finally came in 2004, the weather was a far cry from the blistering heatwave she remembered. A thunderstorm had blown in and the rain was lashing down as they’d run from her cousin’s beat up truck into Hooters for lunch. He had declared it was most definitely not a day for the beach! Not one to be thwarted, she’d stated plainly that she’d waited twenty-four years to walk on that sandy beach and a little rain wasn’t going to stop her. She’d also reminded him of the Scottish blood that flowed in her veins and of the fact that a little rain never deterred a Scot. He’d surrendered, knowing it was pointless to argue with her.
In the end, accompanied by her own two small children, she hadn’t stayed long on the beach – just long enough to run on the sand and paddle in the ocean. As the storm closed in again, she’d been granted a few brief moments to walk the boardwalk and relive her treasured childhood memories. To escape the mid-afternoon deluge, they’d sought sanctuary in Funland and whiled away the storm watching her young son and daughter play. As ever though, the quarters ran out and the meter ticked down until her precious “Rehoboth” time ran out.
Over the next few years, she’d returned annually with her children, savouring the moments on the sand and in the ocean. Making memories with her children was beyond precious. Every memory was filed away, stored carefully in her “memory bank” to be drawn out on cold miserable Scottish winter’s days. Her heart had swelled as her own children developed the same bonds that she felt with this tiny town some three thousand miles from home.
Now though, as she stood on the cool wet sand watching the waves, things were different. Her children were grown up and living their own lives. She’d finally seen her own literary dreams come true. Writing all those stories of the beach had finally paid off. Reaching into her pocket, she wrapped her fingers round the bunch of keys that she’d just collected from the realtor and smiled. She brought them out and stood looking at them lying in the palm of her hand. The keys to her new beach front apartment; the keys to her new dream home.
With a smile, she gazed at the ring on her pinkie, its band worn thin with time. She still wore the small onyx and mother-of-pearl heart shaped ring from all those years before.
Finally, in her heart, she knew she was home.